The Radical Choice: Transforming Marriage Against All Odds with Tony DiLorenzo

Dustin: [00:00:00] What gifts has God given you uniquely? That puts you in your zone of genius, puts you into a flow state. Again, something that you're naturally good at amazing at actually something that gives you energy and something you love doing, because if you go out and you do more of that, you're going to have a huge impact in the world.
Dustin: what is your unique ability? That is a million dollar question quite literally. And it's probably something that if you've contemplated it, you've probably found it really difficult to put your finger on it. So we're talking about unique ability. Some people might say your zone of genius, there's different ways to describe this, where I came across the concept, in recent years was from Dan Sullivan from strategic coach.
Dustin: And quoting Dan, he says, put simply, your unique ability is the set of natural talents. You're already amazing at, they give you energy and that you love doing. So three pieces, their natural talents. You're already amazing at, [00:01:00] they give you energy and you love doing these things. So how do you figure out your unique ability?
Dustin: So if you sit down, go in the closet and try to define it for yourself, you'll probably have some indication, right? You probably have a pretty good idea of what you enjoy doing. Activities in your life that give you energy, but when you think about it specifically to your business, what are the things that are actually unique about you?
Dustin: It's very difficult sometimes to answer those. So I want to share today is some exercises to help you identify and define your unique ability. And a very impressive, impactful event that happened for me recently around this topic. So how you define it is often really the most difficult starting point because you're sitting inside a jar.
Dustin: I love this analogy, but you're sitting inside this jar, you're in there, right? And then surrounded by glass where everyone can see you. And you can see everyone else. But what you can't see is the label on the jar, [00:02:00] right? You can't read your own label because it's on the outside of the jar. The only people who can read your label are people observing you.
Dustin: And so the key to actually getting a great definition or insight around your unique ability is getting feedback from other people. And so in the most basic sense, one thing you can do is something as simple as sending a text message to customers. Employees, team members, but also family and friends.
Dustin: And you can say something to the effect of, Hey, I'm going through this exercise with my coach. Could you just respond back without giving a lot of thought? And just give me three words that you would use to describe me and what I do uniquely. And so you might get a lot, you might get a broad range of responses depending on how people know you and how deeply they know you. But what you'll start to see is basically a through line or you'll start to see, hey, like a word cloud like these 345 things keep coming up for everyone.
Dustin: some people may think I'm funny and some people may think I'm determined, but like [00:03:00] everyone says, I'm energetic or everyone says, I'm a great conversationalist. Everyone says I ask great questions. These types of things start to point towards you. Your unique ability. So I went through an exercise recently with our mastermind group.
Dustin: And that's really what I wanted to highlight in this episode. If you get this sort of opportunity, literally life changing, lots of tear shed, lots of deep sighs of relief. And at the end of this event, numerous people told me they felt seen. For the first time in their life, right? That's pretty heavy stuff, but they felt seen they, they were able to.
Dustin: Name the unique gifts that God has endowed upon them, and they believed it for the first time in their life, Like, how does that happen? So to paint a picture for this, our seven fairly mastermind, they're all graduates of our podcast prophecy accelerator program. You might've heard me talk about that a few times.
Dustin: We've highlighted some alumni and some of the things they've done with that knowledge. So a few people from each [00:04:00] group. We'll often choose to continue on and they want to have this ongoing experience, deepening their relationship, building their business growth and really creating exponential, growth and opportunity for their business.
Dustin: So they're in this seven figure lead mastermind. We've been doing this for. Boy, close to a year at this point. And we've always done it via zoom, right? The day and age that we live in. So something really unique happened recently and that we were going to meet in Orlando at PodFest. And so I was going to host this mastermind dinner the night before the event.
Dustin: Everyone's going to come together. Most of us meet for the first time ever in person and, have a really nice meal and share and then be able to hang out throughout the event and meet new people. And that's exactly what we did. But I had this. This feeling that there's a real opportunity in this moment to do something special and I started hearing it towards the end of last year where people in a hot seat session or in a direct message to me would say things like I'm having a hard time like naming what I do.
Dustin: [00:05:00] I like people. I'm trying to come up with a tagline, you know, for likewhat my business is about what's unique about me, Dustin. and they would even in a hot seat, like I'd love to do some feedback from the group. Like how have I helped you? Because it's really hard to read your own label.
Dustin: And so this became a recurring theme. And so what I, the challenge I set out to the group and I, as I said, Hey, most of you are going to be in Orlando, not all of you, but most of you are going to be able to make it. What would be really awesome is for all of us, whether you're actually going to be there in person or not to commit to this exercise.
Dustin: Of speaking into every other member that you feel, you've got to know well enough and helping them name their unique ability, right? And it can be in whatever style you prefer. So if you're like really brief, Hey, I want to three words, period. Some people wrote three paragraphs, people have their own styles, but the idea is, logging into this, the sheet and literally saying Dustin.
Dustin: This is why I think you're unique. And this is what I really value in our time together. Cassie, John, Tony, Andy, et [00:06:00] cetera, on down the line. And for every person you really felt like you knew, you know, most people know each other quite well at this point in the group, some are newer than others, you wrote that and you just, from the heart.
Dustin: just sit down and get it done. Don't overthink it. Just think about me. And when I think of this person, this really comes up for me. Like I've seen them shine in this way. this gives me energy when I'm around them. This is the thing they're really, really good at. And so. I had a really cool job and that I got to compile all these responses in advance of our mastermind meeting, and I actually created each person an individual document that said, this is how your fellow members see you,
Dustin: this is what we see as your unique ability. And of course, I wrote one as well, and I received one as well. So, cool. In advance of the actually event, so people could read these and digest them and be prepared for the event. I gave everyone this, document. And then when they arrived in person, they each had a physical version of it.
Dustin: Just a nice piece of paper with the logo on it. Just again, not a [00:07:00] summary, but just here's the raw feedback from every member. And it was all anonymous, right? So they couldn't make preconceived notions about who wrote what. Now, it wasn't a secret. So if they really wanted to know, they can ask me and I would share, but I didn't want them getting.
Dustin: bogged down with the who's and just no, it's what's the actual content here, regardless of who wrote it. And so as you, if you read any individual, one of these entries, you may be like, yeah, this is, I, I see that. Like that makes sense when I think of this person.but none of them were exactly the same, of course, because they're all written from different perspectives.
Dustin: But what's really cool is in the meeting, in the mastermind dinner, we had time and space. And I said, Hey, you've already read these a few times. What I want you to do this evening is distill this down into one sentence or, maybe two sentences top. So like when you read these, if you go through and underline things, like what words jump out to you, what words you really like resonate, oh my gosh, like that's totally it, And so let's, distill this for ourselves.
Dustin: And then we had an exercise around that where they were able to share that with a small [00:08:00] group and articulate it and verbalize it in many times. So the first time in their life, and then we talked about how to apply that for their business this year. Right?
Dustin: "Okay, with knowing this is your unique ability, and you accept this as a gift of how people see you, how can you have more of that in your business?" And it was an amazing experience. As I already shared, I've captured all this on video, actually, and it's something I'll probably just hold, hold in private for the most part, other than to the membership, but a lot of emotions, elation, and.
Dustin: Relief, tears of, of joy. And again, this, this kind of overriding theme of feeling seen for the first time, especially as an entrepreneur. Right. And so I had a personal experience with this that I thought was really interesting in that, I'm pre-assembling these, I'm getting ready to go out of town and so there's probably a little bit of resentment with my wife of kind of like, "Hey, you're getting ready to leave."
Dustin: And I'm like, "Hey, but read this piece of paper about me." So it's read these entries. I think this is really cool. And she read them briefly. And then she said, "you know what? I [00:09:00] totally think this is how you show up in your work, but I don't really see this as how you are in your personal life."
Dustin: And I'm like, "Oh, like you can, Debbie downer moment." Because on the surface, I was like, well, that's okay. What, whatever. So I, I, I didn't take, I didn't take it too harshly and then I left and I came back and then I had this experience in the room where I was able to actually distill it down and then it was like completely made sense why my wife had that feedback because I had to give context to the remarks.
Dustin: So my sheet is going to be a little weird. To her because these people all see me as a mastermind leader, right? So they're using words like you're a great curator of people. You're a great facilitator, you know, and like. Those aren't like words you use necessarily in your business life. So when I came back from the meeting and from the conference, I said, "Hey, honey, like I know you read all these things, there was like two pages of stuff and you probably weren't really focused on it."
Dustin: But what I took away from this was two words. I just filled this whole thing down into two words that people say I'm [00:10:00] really good at. I was very excited. And I said, "clarity. And connection," like I'm really good at providing other people clarity and connection and she's, "Oh my gosh, totally. Oh, thank goodness."
Dustin: So it's not like I'm, it's not like I'm a different person at work than home. We just use different words. Right? And so clarity. And she's like, "yeah, you know, like as a dad, you're really good at getting to the heart of the matter, you're really good at helping people process like emotions, quickly and be able to take healthy action and make it be decisive." Right? And that all comes from clarity. Now, in business, that would be like helping you name your offer, helping you define your ideal audience, helping you find really lucrative, partnerships, right? Like I'm very good at getting people clear on their objective and then taking action. But, that's a different application at home, at church and my community, but it's still, and this is the important part, it's still part of my unique ability and the connection is the other part.
Dustin: So, in my business connection looks like, oh, I know someone in my network. You need to know, you guys are going to do business. The other great referral partner, potential [00:11:00] client, that's that's a form of connection in the business world in my home. I'm really good at, not necessarily leading like neighborhood meetups, but if we're in a meetup, I'm really good at, Connecting people that would really benefit knowing each other. I'm like the guy who knows everyone in a community service club, not because I'm actually very social. I'm actually very introverted, but I think it's the sense of empathy and intuition I have about what people need. And then I'm really comfortable making connections to other people.
Dustin: And so clarity and connection were the two big things that came out from my own unique ability. And I thought it would be instructive for you to hear how that came about. And the application of it, both at work and at home. And so again, you probably, maybe you do, maybe you already have a mastermind group.
Dustin: Maybe you have a group people, even if it's a couple of people, even one person, although obviously more feedback is better, but you can ask this question about Hey. I'm trying to label my unique ability. And so when you think of [00:12:00] me, what comes up for you? If I said, Hey, what natural talents do I have that I'm really good at? what things do you see that give me energy? And where do you see me showing up? In business and life where you can tell it's just I love it, And so it totally made sense for me because I love leading mastermind groups. I love the sudden figure leap. I do my podcast profits accelerator in a mastermind format because I just love giving people clarity and connection.
Dustin: And I'm like, It all makes sense now. But I did not have those words until I had this event. And so if any opportunity you get to get this kind of clarity, I really encourage you to do it. and I got to give credit here to Dan Sullivan, and he runs a company for many decades called Strategic Coach.
Dustin: And so there's three books that. This unique ability thing comes up,they're kind of a trilogy. So these are, he's done a ton of many books over the years, but he collaborated with Dr. Benjamin Hardy in recent years, and they have three really good books. recommend reading all three. I don't know that they, I don't know that they intended them to be a trilogy, but that's how I think of [00:13:00] them.
Dustin: So in no particular order, the gap in the gain. Which teaches you to measure progress backwards instead of chasing an infinite horizon line. So the gap in the game, who, not how, which I think is really where this comes up, which is instead of when you have an issue in your business or life, instead of trying to figure out how to do everything, you start answering or asking the question of who can help me with this, whose unique ability does this fit with?
Dustin: Because it's probably not yours, right? And then finally, the capstone book here. 10 X is easier than two X, which is all about exponential growth. But the way you get to exponential growth is by the previous two things, right? measuring the right way and finding the right who's in the way to get 10 X growth, as opposed to two X linear growth is to actually show up in your business.
Dustin: As much as possible, only in your unique ability. So what are the things you're really good at? You do that, and you have someone else do all the other stuff. The 80 20 rule, right? if you want to consume these three books, I highly recommend the audio [00:14:00] version. So I got all three on Audible.
Dustin: And the reason for that is, the books themselves are good. I feel like they read a bit like a textbook, in a sense. Dr. Benjamin Hardy is academic. However, In the audio books, every chapter ends with a free form podcast discussion with Dan Sullivan, and Dan Sullivan's like a sage. So you get like the things you need to know, and then you hear like these amazing kind of golden nuggets insights just flying off the tongue and in story form from Dan Sullivan.
Dustin: So I highly recommend all three of those books. I hope that this encourages you to go out and seek feedback and try to figure out your unique ability at the season of your life. what gifts has God given you uniquely? That puts you in your zone of genius, puts you into a flow state. Again, something that you're naturally good at amazing at actually something that gives you energy and something you love doing, because if you go out and you do more of that, you're going to have a huge impact in the world.
Dustin: And it's going to be. The most important thing you can [00:15:00] do on your way to your own seven figure leap. So I hope you enjoyed this episode. if you want to get a little deeper into my world, I put together a really cool resource, for the stage at podfest where I spoke, and I'd love to give you that as a gift as a podcast listener.
Dustin: So if you go to seven figure leap. com slash playbook. It's going to give you free access to really all of our best resources when it comes to forming partnerships and doing podcast guesting in a really smart way. So you're going to get access to a revenue calculator to figure out how much you could grow your business as a podcast guest.
Dustin: You're going to get access to the actual. Templates for the podcast pitches that I've sent to get on some of the top podcasts and the best part, in my opinion, a bunch of case studies. So if you want to see like actual businesses that have been changed by applying the principles that we teach in the work that we do with my unique ability, you're going to get access to those and these are all free in this package.
Dustin: It's called the podcast profits playbook, and you again can get that for free. By going to [00:16:00] seven figure leap. com slash playbook. Can't wait to see on the inside there and hear what you have to say about those resources.