The Radical Choice: Transforming Marriage Against All Odds with Tony DiLorenzo

by | Mar 12, 2024

Episode description
Tony DiLorenzo, Co-Founder of ONE Extraordinary Marriage, takes us on a really inspiring journey from the brink of divorce to creating a thriving, extraordinary relationship with his wife, Alisa. Tony shares some very personal struggles and breakthroughs they experienced in their marriage, offering listeners an intimate glimpse into the transformation that's possible with commitment and radical change. Tony introduces the six pillars of intimacy, a revolutionary framework developed through his work at ONE Extraordinary Marriage, designed to strengthen and deepen the bonds of marriage. This episode isn't just a story of personal triumph; it's proof of the strength of intentional love and the actionable steps couples can take to achieve their own extraordinary marriage. Join us as Tony DiLorenzo guides us through the lessons learned and the strategies that have helped couples worldwide navigate the journey toward enduring love and intimacy.
Timestamps

00:00:00 - Introduction: Welcome to "Seven Figure Leap"
00:00:45 - Meet the Host: Discover Dustin Riechmann’s Story
00:02:46 - Exploring the Seven Figure Leap Mastermind Concept
00:05:33 - Defining Impact: More Than Just Income
00:07:58 - Stewardship in Business: A Guiding Principle
00:10:18 - Transition Tale: From Engineering to Entrepreneurship
00:13:50 - Core Values: The Heart of Successful Business
00:23:47 - Crucial Decision: Pivoting Towards a New Business Model
00:26:17 - Mastermind Launch: Overcoming Initial Challenges
00:28:51 - Goal Setting and Journey Embracement in Business
00:30:04 - Embracing Change: The Shift to a New Business Identity
00:32:25 - The Transformative Power of the Mastermind Group
00:34:55 - Future Outlook: 2024 Goals and Expectations
00:42:58 - Relationship Marketing: Building a Community for Growth
00:46:57 - Closing Reflections: The Journey and Lessons Learned

Episode transcript

Tony: [00:00:00] We went through our own tough time in our own marriage. We've been married 11 years. And at one point in time, at least, and I just looked at each other and we had three options.
One, get a divorce. We had a five and a two year old at that time as well. Get a divorce to wait till the youngest turns 18 and then get a divorce. So we can just move on with our own lives. And that's hit us a lot this past year because our youngest turned 18 in November or we could get radical.

Dustin: Welcome back to the seven figure leap, another amazing guest today. And I think this guest is going to hold the distinction unless I interview my mom or my wife as the person who knows me the longest, that's going to be in this interview seat, here on the podcast. So this is my good friend, Tony DeLorenzo.

Dustin: I've actually known Tony since circa 2009. We'll get to our origin story and why he hated me so much back when he first met me, but Tony, with that rousing introduction, I want you to share with the audience. So what's you and Elisa are up [00:01:00] to with one extraordinary marriage and all the good work you're doing.

Tony: Yeah, thank you so much, Dustin. And yes, it has been a long time since we've known each other and it's been an amazing journey together, what we do here. So I'm Tony DeLorenzo and my beautiful wife, Lisa and I, we help couples have extraordinary marriages through our six pillars of intimacy framework.

Tony: So what that means is we've been podcasting for 14 years now. And, each week we get behind our microphones and encourage and bring hope to couples around the world. No matter they are, what they may be facing. We talk about all the topics and, cover one of the pillars of intimacy in one of those episodes.

Dustin: Amazing. So, we're going to talk later about collaborations and some of the ways you do work now, but that also has a lot to do with our origin story, but before we get into all that, I think just maybe expand a little bit. So we're an extraordinary marriage.

Dustin: Com. You guys, the OGs of podcasting, Tony and I were at podfest and it's like walking around with the celebrity cause everyone knows them and knows the good work they've been doing for [00:02:00] so long. So what all do you do at one extraordinary man? You're just like, how do you serve?
Customers, the people you call the one family.

Tony: Yeah, that's a great question. You know, when we started 14 years ago, we didn't have anything right. We started with the podcast and now today we have a number of different offerings depending on where people are in their own marriage journey. I think the starting point would be for us are our books, we've self-published nine books.

Tony: Alisa is working on book 10 and the workbook companion to that. So, 11 will be coming out this year. So there's our books. We have some courses which we have done over the years. It just depends on when we've done those and how we've done those, but we have those available to people. Alisa has her bold wives club, which is.

Tony: A membership community for just wives that she does some coaching, but really it's about community and [00:03:00] having wives come together because, which she has found over the years with coaching. And that's another thing that she does, that wives just need a safe space in a place where they can talk about a lot of different things that are going on.

Tony: And then we do have coaching that Elisa does that's a one on one or one with couples. We also do events. So we have our marriage getaway, which is typically a five-day, four-night event in another country. Typically we've gone to Cancun 2025. We will be heading out on a cruise. We're also doing events that are local within the state.

Tony: We also speak. So we go to churches. Most likely partnering with churches to do our six pillars of intimacy masterclass or six pillars of intimacy, conference weekend. We have a number of different things. As well as our e-commerce store, we do partnerships and we also have free offerings for the folks.

Dustin: So just a few things going on, I do want to talk a little bit. I think about kind of growing up together in the online industry here. When our online businesses, I think [00:04:00] it's really relevant. Cause the next thing I want to dig into is why you do what you do. And I'd like to first talk about.

Dustin: the business evolution. And then we can talk more on the personal side with you and Elisa and your marriage and the things that maybe happened
Earlier in your relationship that drove you to want to share this publicly. But, I don't know exactly. I think you encountered me on Twitter or somewhere, but,

Dustin: Uh,

Tony: was, Twitter.

Dustin: As people may know from my story, I was an engineer for many years and my very first online business for me grew out of marriage ministry and it was called engaged marriage.

Dustin: And so 2009, I just started writing and writing and writing. And then I started. Figuring out social media. And I started doing collaborations with other people in that space and grew pretty rapidly. And so somewhere in there, Tony spotted me. And, I joked, when we opened, you know, that's what I like me.

Dustin: Uh,

Tony: I did it. I did it. I'm like, who's this dude?

Dustin: Got to be friends. Why don't you share that experience of, what you were doing in the early days and maybe when you encountered me and I can help pick up the story from there on kind of how we've evolved our businesses over the years.

Tony: Yeah. So, you know, at least I jumped into one extraordinary marriage as a hobby. Like First [00:05:00] and foremost, it was a hobby and I do want to give props up to our good friend, Dan Miller, who has since passed. , he was a huge mentor of mine and was the catalyst of. What one extraordinary marriage is today, because he got me to dreaming and thinking, and you had a similar experience reading one of his books of going like we could have a side hustle.

Tony: I had another business going on, but we could have something else, a passion project, something that just fired us up And so we went through our own tough time in our own marriage. We've been married 11 years. And at one point in time, at least, and I just looked at each other and we had three options.

Tony: One, get a divorce. We had a five and a two year old at that time as well. Get a divorce to wait till the youngest turns 18 and then get a divorce. So we can just move on with our own lives. And that's hit us a lot this past year because our youngest turned 18 in November or we could get radical.

Tony: And we decided to get radical. We were leading a small group at our [00:06:00] church at the time. And we were talking about the song of Solomon. I felt like we needed to talk about sexual intimacy in the church more. We had gone through this 60-day sex challenge. I'm not going to talk about it here. If you want to learn about it, go to one extraordinary marriage.

Tony: com slash zero zero one.

Dustin: Go over to Tony Squi website for that stuff.

Tony: So that tells the whole story about the 60-day sex challenge. What we didn't know is somebody in that small group told our family pastors about it. From there, they asked us to speak at the next year's marriage getaway, which. Was fun. We got to talk about it. The thing that kept coming up though, was people and our pastors were asking what's next.

Tony: And I'm thinking to myself, I'm going, there's nothing next.

Dustin: This is

Tony: I'm good. At least it's good. We're good. there's nothing next, but people kept asking. And that's when in 2009, that. We picked up blogging and then in 2010, that's when we started publishing the podcast on a weekly basis. And that was [00:07:00] sort of the Genesis of, all right, that's where we started, and then it's evolved over the years from a hobby to now.

Tony: A business that has multiple streams of income. We have a number of different contractors on the team who help us out and, continue to grow, to reach and impact marriages,

Dustin: Amazing. Very similar actually, origin stories. I didn't realize some of the overlap, even Tony did 15 years. but actually the, part of marriage ministry, Bethany and I were drawn to is actually sexual intimacy and is really the misunderstandings of our church's teaching around it. And the fact that it was how dirty word, and we felt it was like actually the most beautiful.

Dustin: Part a relationship, but we had distorted views coming into it and had had to go through a lot of learning and ministry to figure that out. We were invited sort of unexpectedly to come help lead a marriage retreat, and we're like, we're really not qualified for this. We're dealing with our own stuff.

Dustin: And then right on top of that, I found Dan Miller's book, No More Dreaded Mondays the title at the time while we were on vacation. And I sort of had the same spark of inspiration, like, hey, I'm doing engineering all day. I've got these little [00:08:00] kids at home. What if I had a creative outlet that kind of let me use the right side of my brain?

Dustin: I just started blogging and writing and sharing about all this stuff we were learning and these couples we were meeting and these retreat experiences. So, yeah, and then we met around 2010, on social media. We're going to talk later about partnerships and collaboration. But I think one of the, early projects that.

Dustin: I was part of, I won't take full credit for it, but it was this, collaborative eBook, which, you know, back in the day, eBooks were all the, all the rage

Dustin: vision of, Hey, what if we invited like all these different thought leaders and they just contributed a small excerpt to this book, and then we could all have it as a resource for a lead magnet to sell it, to give it away, whatever.

Dustin: And so when I look back at that, Pat Flynn, who a lot of people know now as a major online business voice, Dan Miller, who has been both of our and just some other really cool people were in this book I was part of pulling that together. And I, we'll talk later about partnerships, but I have no conscious idea of it, but at the time it was just a really smart partnership and collaboration and this idea of like, Hey, we can all lift our boats together.

Dustin: This isn't a competition. Like, why don't we work together and do something cool? Know that was [00:09:00] around the time we encountered each other.

Tony: How many of those books were downloaded? Do you remember?

Dustin: Have no idea because it wasn't well controlled. Like it was, it was mostly like on scribe. It was on this website. People would just go grab it. I mean, it was definitely in the thousands, if not tens of thousands. It was pretty widely, distributed and I got interviewed a lot about it and it became a pretty big deal.

Dustin: it was, it was a really fun chapter and again, I reflect back now on all the lessons I learned from that and how I now do that, in different mediums, the mediums of the day, but at the time it was eBooks and it really was effective. So. You guys had your own struggles. Kind of got pulled into this reluctantly was asked what's next.

Dustin: Then 2010, you start podcasting, which was not really a thing at that time. And got this right, you've had a weekly podcast for 14 years straight. So how many episodes have you guys published?

Tony: as of this recording, 795

Dustin: Wow. That's amazing.

Tony: as you said, you know, we went to pod fest. I don't remember how big, how many folks were in my room. I was on the pre day. So I think there's probably about 80 or so people. And I'm saying it's a pre day because Dustin and I were both at pod fest and he had a larger crowd.

Tony: [00:10:00] Um, but when I asked, think you remember when I asked this question, how many of you knew what podcasting was 14 years ago? And there are three people we were just at an event, in Charlotte. And I looked around the room, we had 150 plus couples in it. and I asked how many of you knew what podcasting was 14 years ago?

Tony: Not one person raised her hand. so we were definitely on the early side of podcasting, but that's where our voices were, best. For us as Elisa and I, where we were able to learn who we were and just even work through our own marriage stuff. But we were, sharing that story with others so that they could come alongside, in join us in that journey.

Tony: Interestingly enough, I met a couple this past weekend. They've been listening since 2013.

Dustin: Wow. what a true intimacy. Like talk about a lot on the business or marketing side, like how podcasting is a really unique medium because it's very intimate. Like you're in someone's earbuds. They're usually in a hypnotic state because they're [00:11:00] running or driving and they're kind of like really focusing on you.

Dustin: there's just something about that direct connection into our eardrums. To me, it's even more. Intimate and valuable than video. But I think what's really interesting about what you and Elisa have done with it is the format. So There's no guests, there's any, hardly any solo episodes.

Dustin: You want to talk about the format and has that stayed totally consistent over 14 years?

Tony: Yeah. So when we started, it was Elisa and I, and that was the way I saw most podcasts early on. There were these interview styles, but Elisa and I just felt like, you know what, let's just do you and I, like you and I just talk and we'll go through a topic. each week. we did attempt to do one interview and I think it's episode 17 or 18.

Tony: I can't recall. And literally, dude, I disliked it so much. We didn't have technology like we have today. And it was such a pain. And I found it to just Be irritating. Cause I was like, I really don't want to hear what you have to say. I'm glad you're promoting marriage and different things, but it just, for [00:12:00] me, I just didn't feel that connection.

Tony: at that point in time, I'm like, Elisa, whatever, like, we're just going to talk and it's just going to be you and I, and over those years, the show episodes have changed because we went from this really long format and would sort of drone on and on. We didn't hit the points we would listen to our.

Tony: our audience, we call them the one family and they would give us feedback and we started tightening things up. we're in a good rhythm and have been for many, many years we're around that 25 to 28, 29 minute range. We have a flow that we just go through. and we still continue to reach out to the one family.

Tony: Like today, Lisa put up a post, an IG story and she's asking questions like. Have you ever had a sex injury? you know, yes, no. And if so, what happen? so that will become an entire episode for us just talking about that. but we love to engage the one family and bring them into it.

Tony: isn't about Tony and Elisa. It's about how do we help you have the extraordinary marriage you desire?

Dustin: Yeah. And so it's not about Tony and Lisa yet for [00:13:00] many years it was, and it's still, you know, you guys are still the co host. So I think when you think of someone, put yourself in the shoes of these people that they met, this couple that they met in the event, so 11 years. Basically straight on a weekly basis, you do the math 500 and something episodes of Tony and Elisa, talking about things from the audience, but also talking about things that happen behind your own closed doors.

Dustin: They had struggled is in your own sexual intimacy and your own struggles with different vices and all the things. Cause I, you know, I'm very familiar the show and I think that's part of what makes it so unique and endearing and the fact that that's why there's no pun intended intimacy, like with your audience, because they really feel like they know you all.

Dustin: So deeply is that when you meet people in person, is that very gratifying? Does it ever feel a little weird? And the fact that like, they really know you, or at least they feel like they do. And yet you have no idea who they are when you first meet them.

Tony: Yes. But then there's a really deep sense of gratitude and appreciation. and I can get teary eyed and just thinking about the commitment to sticking with us when we didn't know who we were or what we were doing. We [00:14:00] just had a mission and our mission is to impact one marriage. And in parentheses, we say every day.

Tony: that has been our mission for so long that there's just a sense of gratitude for them and to let them know that they are part of the one family, like who we are behind the microphones is who we are in person. it is interesting at times because I'll have guys gals, they'll come up and they're totally fangirling or fanguying on me and, and, and Elisa.

Tony: And, that to me is interesting. And yet I understand because when they tell me their stories and. we were in the same space you and Elisa were, we were dealing with this struggle and, listening to you helped us not feel alone anymore, but to actually be intentional and take action in our marriage this and that.

Tony: And I just have such a, sense of like. Gratitude. But, just appreciation. I don't know the word sometimes, but it's always fun to be around them. I just want to give them a hug and, thank them and let them know what I say at the end of every episode is love you guys. and I want them to know that we love them.

Dustin: Yeah. it's just a real testament to stewardship. In [00:15:00] my opinion, it's like, you didn't really necessarily understand the call, but you just kind of kept following it. And God, Jesus, as a couple, as an instrument and an example. To help so many people, there's the few that you meet, the few percentage that you meet, but there's so many more thousands that you'll never meet,

Dustin: but through this amazing platform, podcasting and social media and books and speaking, yeah, I mean, that's what it's all about.

Dustin: We talked a lot about having a seven figure impact, impact correlates to a six figure income. That's easy to measure in business circles. Like, Hey, you know, like me and I can, I can run a program and say, you're going to make this much money from it. 10X result. I think what's really interesting and what I appreciate with you all is the perseverance to stick with it when it's not easy to measure a lot of times because you're in this business to consumer or be to see market maybe someone buys a book, you don't really know it, or maybe they, course, but you don't really know them.

Dustin: And It's more difficult, I appreciate the perseverance in that. so along those lines, just to kind of sit through the history. as a nine, 10, we meet 2014, 15, we're going to a couple of digital marketing [00:16:00] conferences. We're both like, Hey, this started out as a hobby and maybe a bit of a ministry, but it could really be a business.

Dustin: Like we're selling stuff. We've written books. Courses. This is actually pretty fun. I'm taking off work from engineering. You're leaving your business to come and we're hanging out and learning digital marketing. Then I don't believe in engineering. You leave your full time job and sell that job, your full time business and sell that.

Dustin: And, you know, the last several years we've got to hang out in a different context. And now we're full time entrepreneurs. We're really supporting each other every day. he's really is my business brother now Tony's been supporting me and I've supported him. He's been in my accelerator and he's now in my seven figure lead mastermind.

Dustin: And so it's really cool to look back at the similar origin story, different paths, you know, and we've chosen different business models at the end of the day, but pretty similar growth journey. We've had some businesses together over, over the time. We've met in person many times. We've met each other's families.

Dustin: so I just, word of gratitude here, Tony, publicly, just thank you for all that you've done for me and helped me get to this point and have a podcast after only 14 years behind you guys, but I'm here. So [00:17:00] thank you for,

Tony: Yeah, you're doing awesome. I love it. I love listening to it too. And, yeah, it's just, been that journey. And, for those of you who may be stuck

somewhere, Know that I got stuck many a times, like both Dustin and I were stuck many a times. And for myself, it was just a commitment. I have such a deep passion and it's just who I am.

Tony: I get into something. And even in those times when it was rough, I would pick up something else, but I always had one extraordinary marriage. And there were times through those years when all Elise and I ever did was. We did one podcast episode a week and was for a couple of years. It was like in the two, 300 range where our children were growing.

Tony: She was doing some direct sales stuff. My other business was growing and all we did was do that, but we kept just moving forward and, kept plugging forward and we continued to learn. And I think that was the biggest thing is I kept learning different ways to, impact people or. Find new people to bring into the one family.

Tony: and that's become very helpful over the years [00:18:00] because in that B2C, I do believe you have to have a bigger audience, because of what price points are with you and others who are doing high ticket, accelerators, masterminds, and the B2B, you can have a smaller email list or a smaller circle, to do the same results that we get.

Dustin: yeah, no, that's a great segue. So I want to, kind of get a, a little more of a firm snapshot on where you're at before we start talking about the future. I think there's two components here. I do want to talk, very rough terms, just sort of where you're at revenue wise and like what comes from coaching versus from speaking, et cetera.

Dustin: It's kind of a really rough idea to give people a snapshot of this really successful business. Before we do that, though, I think it's important to let you unpack. For a few minutes, what are the six pillars of intimacy? Cause that's become your bestselling book. It's really what you typically are speaking about.

Dustin: again, I've seen the evolution of that. And it's like this almost like a aha moment when it was like, that's it. We, we finally named what we do and people are super resonating with it. And it's, really fun to see. So you want to just share with our audience, what are the six pillars and what does [00:19:00] this mean when you say six pillars of intimacy?

Tony: Yeah. So first and foremost, intimacy isn't what you're probably thinking right now. Intimacy, the actual definition is closeness and connection. So what we're all about is helping couples become closer and connected to one another Through the six pillars of intimacy. And those are emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, financial intimacy, spiritual intimacy, recreational intimacy, and then sexual intimacy.

Tony: And so what we do is, We help couples see each of those pillars and go, which ones have cracks? Which one are we strong in and how do we continue to strengthen them no matter if they have cracked or they're strong? How do we continue to strengthen those pillars so that we can have the extraordinary marriage we desire?

Tony: that has been a huge blessing to us And as you said it started out as an e book I think with that e book We gave it away for free And we got somewhere in the vicinity of maybe like 10, 000 emails, by just giving the book away. we started doing some workshops around it, talking about it.

Tony: It we've been doing it for almost ever on the podcast. We just didn't know what it was. We didn't know how to call it. We didn't know what to, how to share it with people. but once we got that framework going, we did some workshops around it. We had. Hundreds of couples joining us on these workshops and that was a catalyst for the book that eventually got published in 2021.

Tony: and we've since released a workbook as well as a monthly planner and a second book in that series called the six pillars of intimacy, conflict resolution,

Dustin: And then you have another book coming in the future in that series. So you've really found your lane and it's become synonymous with one extraordinary marriage and

Tony: and our record around that too, Dustin, right? my main marriage getaway is called six pillars in paradise marriage. So. Paradise is land based. We're going to do Six Pillars at sea, which will be sea based, and then we may do a Six Pillars adventure, which would be more of like, we're going out doing something more in the wild.

Dustin: I love it. So it just speaks to the power of a framework, we talk a lot about frameworks and group coaching and masterminds and more of the B2B, circles. But again, I just love having you talk more about the. Business consumer and how that framework may be more important you really need this moment of clarity for people that are not clear on what their actual problem is.

Dustin: And so they like, see this wheel and they're like, Oh, financial intimacy. I didn't know that was a thing, but like, that's totally it. We fight about money all the time. You know, like we really need help with that or recreational intimacy. Oh, wow. I never even thought about the fact that like all we do is parent and work and we're like, don't have any time.

Dustin: This is fun for us anymore.
Dustin: we can really work on, there's a crack in that pillar. And then I love like the pillar as the foundation of the marriage and that you got to have all six to be strong. think of like the wheel of life, Zig Ziglar and some of these older frameworks, I think of course, five love languages, it's just like you can name something and then give people total clarity when they see it.

Dustin: I think that there's absolute magic in that. So. With what you've built to date again, don't disclose what you don't want to disclose. I think it's fair to say you've got a multiple six figure business.

Tony: Hi, six figures.

Dustin: Yeah, and you guys are doing really well and we're going to talk about future pacing and where you might want to take this moving forward in the next several years.

Dustin: But as a snapshot today, just in rough numbers, percentage wise, how much of your business would you say is like coaching versus live events versus books? I think people, especially People in the B2C industry, they're probably like really curious about what does this mix need to be? Because you have a pretty robust product mix at this point, compared to many people that might be listening.

Tony: Yeah. So I'll top my head. It's going to be tough because six, six,

Tony: yeah, six

Tony: I would say that's probably up to about a third of our income.

Dustin: Okay.

Tony: Right now, and that's going to be shifting as we grow bold wives club, even more.

Tony: Another area talked about it as partnerships. I personally love those. if I can find the right experts to bring to the one family, I'm always looking for good partnerships.

Tony: our e commerce takes up a really good chunk of that as well. and then we started getting into other workshops that we may be putting on our masterclasses that we put on. we have affiliate partnerships we have with other experts that we bring on to share with the one family we have.

Dustin: And then our live events, cause I know

Tony: Oh, in live events. Yes. Thank you for

Dustin: you can't

Dustin: recently, as we hear early February,

Dustin: you've sold out for the whole year as far as live events go. And so, I imagine that that's now a pretty substantial part of your income. And I think as we started talking about future pacing here.

Dustin: That's intentional, right? Like, that's something you and Elisa really want to do because it not only has great income, it gives you a great platform, but you also get to travel, right? And it helps feed your recreational intimacy. You want to share a little more about that.

Tony: Exactly. put the marriage getaway on because we wanted a marriage event where we would want to go to, which wasn't so focused on like, we're in a room for eight hours, but we're in this beautiful setting. It's more like we're in this beautiful setting and we're going to take a couple hours, a few hours a day to really pour into marriage and more.

Tony: More than anything, have fun, have breakthrough, but also to get you to meet other couples. so yeah, marriage getaway sold out. from a speaking perspective of speaking at churches, just got a notification today that the last

Spot we had available will be signed this week. we have another event we're going to be putting on in Texas.

Tony: That's our six pillars of intimacy weekend. We haven't started promoting that yet. but yeah, that's a whole nother facet of the business that really started growing last year. And this year is has become even a bigger part of that. I think it's going to stay same. Or similar year over year, we don't want to be speaking every weekend.

Tony: That's not our desire. It's probably about 10 times a year. and it comes at a perfect time in our own lives. This has been a dream of ours for 10 years now, but with our youngest graduating, it really opens up where we can go and what we can do and not have any constraints of like, Oh, She's home and we got to figure out what she's doing or this, that, and the other. So it's really interesting. The dream that we had 10 years ago is finally coming to fruition now in a perfect timing with our youngest going off.

Dustin: Yeah, that's kind of what I wanted to pull out of that. this wasn't by happenstance. don't control it, but you now have the platform and You know, within the one family where you're like, Hey, you know, like whose church or whose organization could really use us to come in and do a workshop or a weekend.

Dustin: And then, like we're going to talk about here in a minute with relationships and partnerships, one of those leads to two more and two of those leads to four more. And it really becomes a compounding thing. Once you open the door to it, I think you've been very smart. About being intentional on like capping the demand or capping the, I guess, capacity, right?

Dustin: you probably could do 20, but you don't want to, like you want to do 10. So you're just sold out for the year. So, you know, someone really wanted you to come, I mean, maybe for the right price, but in general, you're going to be like, no, we're full. we've kind of got our whole calendar worked out for the year.

Dustin: So. I think that's amazing. So we kind of have a view of the speaking side and the travel side. You're kind of like 10 events a year, at least one that you're holding on your own, either a cruise or an adventure or a, paradise. what else do you, what else do you see changing or evolving into business over the next, say, three to five years?

Tony: the big part is really building out bold wives club. that's one area that we see. A lot of growth and one where Elisa can be one to many instead of the one to one that she's been doing the coaching. and she really loves that time with her wives and bold stands for brave, open minded, loving and decisive.

Tony: And it's something that she embodies and has for many years. And so imparting that. So that they can be bold in their life and in their marriage, is something that she really likes. Another area talked about it as partnerships. I personally love those. if I can find the right experts to bring to the one family, I'm always looking for good partnerships.

Tony: It's not that I want to do that on a monthly basis, you know, it's more like quarterly, so maybe like three to four times a year, but if it's the right partner, it's really a benefit. For the one family and for us. And so I see that, continuing to write our books, the marriage niche. I came to find out folks love their books and they love paperback books.

Tony: They want to buy them. And we'd written five books before the six pillars of intimacy. You would have thought I would have learned something, but we stopped writing books and got sidetracked. once we came back to writing books, it's interesting how many books we sell on Amazon and how much fun it's become to become a bestseller and then get hundreds and hundreds of reviews on the book.

Tony: And so I've learned how to do that. So we will continue to write books because it an active way for income, Like you got to do something, not just writing the book and publishing it, but you still got to market the book, but there is a flywheel that begins to happen. Once you get it moving, there is passive income that's coming in.

Tony: I could see that being a really nice stream of income for us. at some point when we're like. What do we really want to do? Let's just write books and see the money come in every month and call it good.

Dustin: maybe go to Cancun or something, but

Tony: Yeah. But you know, let's write a book in

Dustin: even

Tony: and there you go. Put it up, offer it up.

Dustin: I, I don't have hundreds, I have like tens and tens of reviews, of my own marriage book, because to Tony's point, I don't know if this is probably true in most B2C markets, but definitely in relationships, the way that people want to consume this information is primarily through books. I know you guys did a little of that and they kind of resisted it.

Dustin: And now you've just went all in and you're like, Hey, that's what you want. That's what we'll do. We'll write a series of books. And then obviously the books become a part of the speaking package. and then the books obviously become a huge lead generator to feed the rest of the semi create the flywheel effect, like you mentioned.

Dustin: So what I heard there was continue to [00:29:00] travel, but not too much. Really build up old wives club to where the one to many coaching and community that Lisa can serve rose as maybe the one on one, tampers down a bit to free up more time and energy for some of the other things you guys are doing and keep writing books, keep doing the podcast and just keep growing, steadily and, predictably.

Dustin: It sounds like that's really the goal for the next three to five years.

Tony: Yeah, that really is it. I mean, this is a lifelong journey for us, so we don't see ourselves like stopping anytime soon. We want to impact. The generation now, but we're also seeing the next generation getting impacted. And we want to just continue to do that. We'll grow and things will ebb and flow in different.

Tony: Things will happen as you and I both know, there'll be moments of just like brilliance and then times when you're sort of struggling trying to figure out what to do next. But I think that's part of who we are is to continue to think of new ways, new solutions to impact our couples into one family.

Dustin: Yeah, but I'm really grateful to have a front row seat. Like I said, in my mastermind and we [00:30:00] get to spend a lot of time thinking about these things and being intentional and really asking those key questions of like, what do I want? What do Lisa and I want, what's our unique ability and be able to pour into that.

Dustin: And I think you guys just continue to like, get more and more like, think like a spiral, you continue to spiral more and more into your bullseye, your zone of genius. That's amazing. It's amazing to witness. And then, the income comes with that, the impact. Leads, but the income follows.

Dustin: And so you guys, are a great example of that, especially in the business to consumer space. So typically at this point, I'd be like, here, Tony, here's the microphone. Teach the audience, the smart strategy, but I'd actually like to kind of wrap on this a little bit. And you already, you already mentioned a couple of times and so did I, but partnerships, partnership marketing, you might call it collaboration.

Dustin: In some relationships, it might be considered affiliate, but not necessarily. So I know firsthand. Some of the really cool partnerships you've had, I'd love for you to just maybe just go through a few of them. I'd like, we can talk about L and Andre and self-publishing tell the story of how they came about.

Dustin: What was the, monetary, result from this and just give the audience some really fresh [00:31:00] ideas of how to view the world through collaboration and partnerships. And then in some cases, I think these are really unique. And I think a lot of people would have never seen them. Even though they might've been run under their nose.

Dustin: And I think you've developed a knack for this and seeing these opportunities. So I will kind of give you the mic here for a few minutes to just share some of your collaborations that you've done with one.

Tony: Well, start from the beginning a little bit here. You and I, we've done some, you did one with Elisa. I forget what we even called it now, but I think it was around some sexual intimacy. I think you were like interviewing her and it was this workshop, that you did with her and we did that many, many years ago.

Tony: Right. and so that was The start of it. And again, with a lot of these things, I think over time you look at things, you're like, Oh, that didn't work out the way I want to do. So you just sort of throw it out and then it comes back around. And as our business has evolved, and I think online businesses have evolved.

Tony: Right now is just an amazing time. So what we do, and typically what I'm looking for is someone who's an expert in their field, [00:32:00] truly is an expert. So for instance, Andre Santos with the science of connection, He works with couples, typically one of them is out of the game. They're like, I don't want to do anything with you.

Tony: I am tired of you. I've asked you to change. I'm out. So he works with the one who's going like, no, I want to save this marriage. And so we have partnered up and we've done a master class called I love you, but I'm not in love with you. That's what that person is saying. I love you, but I'm not in love with you.

Dustin: Great name, very visceral and emotional, but just the truth, right?

Tony: It's the truth. And, we work with him and we put together a masterclass. We charge for the masterclass because I believe in the value he brings. And if you're coming to this masterclass, then you need to pay for his expertise and his time. The most recent one we did, we had just over 70 people sign up, at 97 each.

Tony: We [00:33:00] split that. And then at the end of it, I'm working with experts who do have a high ticket offer on the backend, because I know there are going to be people there who are going to be like. That was great. I got a ton out of it. I'm going to start running with it. And that's great. That's what our podcast is.

Tony: A lot of the time. That's what a book is a lot of the time, but there are people in the audience who are going like, I'm lost. I am just, I'm sinking and I need help. And so Andre does a wonderful job of being able to go like, Hey, here's my calendar. Get on my calendar. Let's see if this is a fit for you.

Tony: So through this last collaboration we did, he ended up, signing up for individuals and he's working with them right now to help them save their marriage, which for us is a win because they can come back together, then they can come back to one extraordinary marriage and together they can work on their six pillars of intimacy and they can have the extraordinary marriage they desire.

Tony: Oh, beautiful. L, we worked with L, we did a stress and sex masterclass with her because stress has such an [00:34:00] impact on our sexual intimacy. They're just couples who are just drowning in stress. And really when they come to us and they talk to us, they're like, my sex life. It's horrible. My sex life is non-existent and you begin to learn that.

Tony: Well, why, well, this happened at work. This is happening with our children. This is happening in our community. This is happening with my mom and dad. It's just stress. And so they can't get out of under that stress. And so Al has such a wonderful way of just helping. She's also grandma type, you know, this, and just a soothing voice.

Tony: And she did amazing. And I think she ended up, on that masterclass signing up like four. For individuals, for couples to work with her. I've done another one on codependency this was a partnership in terms of, I love this couple and I know they wanted to do some stuff. They're really good in person.

Tony: They don't really have a really strong offer on the backend as well. [00:35:00] So that sort of fizzled and I learned from that one. They didn't really have a really strong offer on the backend as well. So that sort of fizzled and I learned from that.

Dustin: So L was really interesting because L would identify herself as sort of a performance coach. She works with people with anxiety. She actually worked with my daughter who was dealing with some of my stage fright, sort of anxiety. And so you think about that and she was in Tony's accelerator group.

Dustin: So that connection to being in the same group and they really got to know each other. And it was like, wow, like who can he connect or they connected performance anxiety, of course. totally not thinking about the bedroom with the bedroom and like, now you have sex distress, which came a very.

Dustin: Attractive and catchy title. And then, you know, you sell tickets to the event and then you guys get a portion of the coaching that she sells. So it ends up being a 5 figure event for you by bringing up expert. Andre was not in your accelerator group, but he was in the 1 following you. And I'm probably me or through 1 of our alumni connections.

Dustin: You guys connected. And obviously it was a more obvious connection of, oh, we're both marriage. I think most people would be like, I'm a marriage coach. You're a marriage coach. See, uh, Hey, you guys know, it's all like, no, like we serve the same audience in a way, but in a very different way. And so like someone's pillars don't exist or [00:36:00] they're completely crushed.

Dustin: How can Andre help rebuild them to the point that then again, you guys could go, help them. take it to the next level from there. So somebody kind of point, like where did some of these things come from? Because people might be thinking, wow, it'd be cool if I had an Andre or an L. Will you meet them by pouring yourself into networks, relationships, masterminds, in this case, your accelerator groups So the key is being in proximity is the first step. And you have to have foresight or the open-mindedness to then see the opportunity for collaboration and not be so closed off and scarce that you think Oh, they're going to take a piece of my pie. It's not like let's put our stuff together.

Dustin: We'll have a bigger pie and we'll both actually win in a bigger way. And that's really the spirit of partnership marketing. So I think in all three of the examples you just gave, I mean, obviously they each have their own audiences, but in general, you had the platform. they had the expertise and that, and so you've built this platform over 15, 14, 15 years.

Dustin: And so one of the huge benefits of that is you have an audience that has needs outside of what you and Elisa feel comfortable or feel called to serve. And so you're just [00:37:00] really kind of an open hand, like, Hey, you know, if you can help help in a different way, let's, collaborate. Guess another one of those would be self-publishing, which would be what would be kind of completely off the radar for most people, but I'd love to hear what you guys have done with self-publishing and just describe who self-publishing is and what role they played with your books and then talk about the collaboration that you've done with them.

Dustin: That's been mutually beneficial.

Tony: So in February, 2021, we were building, we were going pretty strong through the pandemic and in 2021, basically my entire marketing team who I had hired and was working with, they all quit. It was a very scary time we had six pillars going. We just were unable to really generate the revenue we needed.

Tony: At that point in time, I looked at Elise and I'm like, it's time for us to write the next book, six pillars of intimacy has to be written this year. And this is February, when this is all going down sort of got our bearings and, tightened up the ship. And I think it was like May.

Tony: Of that year, April, May of that year, I started searching. [00:38:00] I'm like, we've written five books, self-published books. I can't do it on my own again because those books, although they are good, they're not excellent. didn't reach the potential from a term of launch, bestseller, the reviews, everything that needed to happen.

Tony: And so I went on a search and found self-publishing.com and have been with them ever since. with that came just being part of the community. I think it was, just getting myself into it early on. It was tough because we wrote that book six pillars in five months from first word to publish.

Tony: It was five months. and then once it got published, then I really began to dive into the community and start to learn, get into the group coaching With the

Dustin: I, I don't have hundreds, I have like tens and tens of reviews, of my own marriage book, because to Tony's point, I don't know if this is probably true in most B2C markets, but definitely in relationships, the way that people want to consume this information is primarily through books. I know you guys did a little of that and they kind of resisted it.

Dustin: And now you've just went all in and you're like, Hey, that's what you want. That's what we'll do. We'll write a series of books. And then obviously the books become a part of the speaking package. and then the books obviously become a huge lead generator to feed the rest of the semi create the flywheel effect, like you mentioned.

Dustin: So what I heard there was continue to [00:29:00] travel, but not too much. Really build up old wives club to where the one to many coaching and community that Lisa can serve rose as maybe the one on one, tampers down a bit to free up more time and energy for some of the other things you guys are doing and keep writing books, keep doing the podcast and just keep growing, steadily and, predictably.

Dustin: It sounds like that's really the goal for the next three to five years.

Tony: Yeah, that really is it. I mean, this is a lifelong journey for us, so we don't see ourselves like stopping anytime soon. We want to impact. The generation now, but we're also seeing the next generation getting impacted. And we want to just continue to do that. We'll grow and things will ebb and flow in different.

Tony: Things will happen as you and I both know, there'll be moments of just like brilliance and then times when you're sort of struggling trying to figure out what to do next. But I think that's part of who we are is to continue to think of new ways, new solutions to impact our couples into one family.

Dustin: Yeah, but I'm really grateful to have a front row seat. Like I said, in my mastermind and we [00:30:00] get to spend a lot of time thinking about these things and being intentional and really asking those key questions of like, what do I want? What do Lisa and I want, what's our unique ability and be able to pour into that.

Dustin: And I think you guys just continue to like, get more and more like, think like a spiral, you continue to spiral more and more into your bullseye, your zone of genius. That's amazing. It's amazing to witness. And then, the income comes with that, the impact. Leads, but the income follows.

Dustin: And so you guys, are a great example of that, especially in the business to consumer space. So typically at this point, I'd be like, here, Tony, here's the microphone. Teach the audience, the smart strategy, but I'd actually like to kind of wrap on this a little bit. And you already, you already mentioned a couple of times and so did I, but partnerships, partnership marketing, you might call it collaboration.

Dustin: In some relationships, it might be considered affiliate, but not necessarily. So I know firsthand. Some of the really cool partnerships you've had, I'd love for you to just maybe just go through a few of them. I'd like, we can talk about L and Andre and self-publishing tell the story of how they came about.

Dustin: What was the, monetary, result from this and just give the audience some really fresh [00:31:00] ideas of how to view the world through collaboration and partnerships. And then in some cases, I think these are really unique. And I think a lot of people would have never seen them. Even though they might've been run under their nose.

Dustin: And I think you've developed a knack for this and seeing these opportunities. So I will kind of give you the mic here for a few minutes to just share some of your collaborations that you've done with one.

Tony: Well, start from the beginning a little bit here. You and I, we've done some, you did one with Elisa. I forget what we even called it now, but I think it was around some sexual intimacy. I think you were like interviewing her and it was this workshop, that you did with her and we did that many, many years ago.

Tony: And, with a lot of these things, I think over time you look at things, you're like, Oh, that didn't work out the way I want to do. So you just sort of throw it out and then it comes back around. And as our business has evolved, and I think online businesses have evolved.

Tony: Right now is just an amazing time. So what we do, and typically what I'm looking for is someone who's an expert in their field, [00:32:00] truly is an expert. So for instance, Andre Santos with the science of connection, He works with couples, typically one of them is out of the game. They're like, I don't want to do anything with you.

Tony: I am tired of you. I've asked you to change. I'm out. So he works with the one who's going like, no, I want to save this marriage. And so we have partnered up and we've done a master class called I love you, but I'm not in love with you. That's what that person is saying. I love you, but I'm not in love with you.

Dustin: Great name, very visceral and emotional, but just the truth, right?

Tony: It's the truth. And, we work with him and we put together a masterclass. We charge for the masterclass because I believe in the value he brings. And if you're coming to this masterclass, then you need to pay for his expertise and his time. The most recent one we did, we had just over 70 people sign up, at 97 each.

Tony: So not a huge payday, but when you break it down, it's not bad for a 90 minute master class. You have to do some emails, obviously marketing and a little bit of Facebook ads. And you have to bring it, but you're also giving them a preview of what it looks like to work with you. And then obviously you have a backend offer.

Tony: [00:33:00] but I think for me, it's looking at who's out there and who's doing what and who has the same, audience in mind. So we have done, we've also done a masterclass with L, who works with anxiety. We've done a masterclass with her called, love in the time of COVID. And that's been a pretty successful master class.

Tony: We've done one with, Al from sex in the midlife. That one was pretty successful. Again, I don't have the numbers in front of me right now, but I think we had over 50 people sign up for that. So, we're talking about $5,000 to $10,000 in revenue for one 90 minute master class. So I just think about the, opportunity for you.

Tony: Who do you know? Who's in your network that you can bring to your audience? And, we charge. I think we need to get away from the whole, let's give everything away for free because it's not valuing what you do. And so I've been very, very clear. It's not a $5 workshop, but it's a 90 minute master class.

Tony: you're going to get value from it, but you're also going to see, okay, this is what it looks like to work with them, whether you decide to work with them or not, that's completely up to you. But I believe in the value of their expertise. I think they're worth it. I think you're worth it.

Tony: I think anybody who's listening to this is worth it. So it's just a matter of finding who's [00:34:00] out there, who do you know, who you can bring to your audience and then charge for it.

Dustin: I love that you brought up. Two really good points. The first one was the pricing and valuing your time and your expert time. You're so right. Like when you pay, you pay attention. It's an old adage, but it's so true. When we first started, we did a ton of free workshops, obviously, we were just starting out, but we also just didn't understand.

Dustin: But now our workshops, we always start them at $97. We start at a hundred bucks. And then typically they go up from there. So that's a really good point. The other thing I really liked about what you said is this idea of who's in your network. And I think we've all heard this before, but it's so true.

Dustin: It's like, Who's in your network that you could potentially partner with? And it could be someone that, like, for instance, you and I are in a mastermind together, and we just keep building this relationship. We know that there's going to be opportunities down the line to partner on different things.

Dustin: But it could also be people that are in different masterminds that you're in. It could be people that you meet at conferences. It could be people that you have, like maybe it's someone like Elisa's therapist or your personal therapist, or someone that you work with or your child's therapist, or something like that.

Dustin: [00:35:00] So I think it's so true. And I think so often people, like, I'll just speak for myself. I forget to look in my own backyard. Like I forget to look at who's around me that I could potentially partner with. and so I think that's a really good point. I really appreciate you bringing that up.

Tony: Yeah. You know, and it's also understanding like, what do they need? And what do you need? You know, I think a lot of times when we go into these partnerships, we're like, Oh, we're going to do this together. And then we sort of forget that, like, well, what do you need out of this relationship?

Tony: And so, like with L, we worked with L, we did a stress and sex masterclass with her because stress has such an impact on our sexual intimacy. They're just couples who are just drowning in stress. And really when they come to us and they talk to us, they're like, my sex life. It's horrible. My sex life is non-existent and you begin to learn that.

Tony: Well, why, well, this happened at work. This is happening with our children. This is happening in our community. This is happening with my mom and dad. It's just stress. And so they can't get out of under that stress. And so Al has such a wonderful way of just helping. She's also grandma type, you know, this, and just a soothing voice.

Tony: And she did amazing. And I think she ended up, on that masterclass signing up like four. For individuals, for couples to work with her. I've done another one on codependency this was a [00:36:00] partnership in terms of, I love this couple and I know they wanted to do some stuff. They're really good in person.

Tony: They don't really have a really strong offer on the backend as well. So that sort of fizzled and I learned from that one. They didn't really have a really strong offer on the backend as well. So that sort of fizzled and I learned from that.

Dustin: So L was really interesting because L would identify herself as sort of a performance coach. She works with people with anxiety. She actually worked with my daughter who was dealing with some of my stage fright, sort of anxiety. And so you think about that and she was in Tony's accelerator group.

Dustin: So that connection to being in the same group and they really got to know each other. And it was like, wow, like who can he connect or they connected performance anxiety, of course. totally not thinking about the bedroom with the bedroom and like, now you have sex distress, which came a very.

Dustin: Attractive and catchy title. And then, you know, you sell tickets to the event and then you guys get a portion of the coaching that she sells. So it ends up being a 5 figure event for you by bringing up expert. Andre was not in your accelerator group, but he was in the 1 following you. And I'm probably me or through 1 of our alumni connections.

Dustin: [00:37:00] You guys connected. And obviously it was a more obvious connection of, oh, we're both marriage. I think most people would be like, I'm a marriage coach. You're a marriage coach. See, uh, Hey, you guys know, it's all like, no, like we serve the same audience in a way, but in a very different way. And so like someone's pillars don't exist or they're completely crushed.

Dustin: How can Andre help rebuild them to the point that they can get into this with Tony and Lisa. And so I think it's a really interesting. Uh, partnership, right? It's just it's something that you would never put together if you just saw, Oh, he's marriage. Oh, he's marriage. Like, they're not, they're not the same.

Tony: Yeah. And you know, that's sort of where I've been a little bit. Uh, I don't want to say like selfish, but sort of like, this is who we are. We're marriage. And so we sort of attract the same people. And so I sort of want to step out and sort of attract a little bit different. But it's hard to do that.

Tony: And it's hard to say, okay, well, we're marriage, but we also talk about other things because then we, then we sort of become diluted. So I don't really want to be diluted. I want to sort of, I want to step out and be a little bit different, but I don't want to be so different that people don't know who we are.

Tony: And that's sort of where we are right now, but yeah, it's really just thinking about who [00:38:00] can I bring to my audience who's really good at what they do? What they do and then charge for it. And if you do, you'll be successful.

Dustin: I totally get that. I think for me, the key to my own business has been to just keep getting more and more specific.

Dustin: and if we're only for everyone then we're for no one, but when we're for one person, then we're for everyone. And so if you're for one person who's in a marriage, or you're one person that's a married parent, or you're one person who has been married, divorced and remarried, like that's specific enough that you know, Hey, this is for me.

Dustin: I think that that's a really interesting challenge because you have a lot of tools in your tool belt, but it's like, okay, well, how do we focus on one thing at a time and really just become known for that?

Tony: Yeah. And I think, you know, I sort of look at it as, how do I make this easy? You know, I sort of want to go after the low hanging fruit because, Hey, we need a little money, but also, this is sort of, this is something that sort of naturally happens with us.

Tony: And I think the book, what I learned in writing the book is that this sort of naturally happens with other people as well. So it's not really a matter of, can we make money at it? It's just a matter of, can we put it together and put a [00:39:00] system in place? And then it sort of naturally happens.

Tony: And then it's like, well, how can I make this easy for someone else to implement? And that's really what the book sort of taught me is that this sort of, this sort of naturally happens with other people as well.

Dustin: Yeah. I love that. I think that's really great. I'm grateful that you guys are willing to experiment, try new things, and also just share so openly, not only with me, but with everybody.

Dustin: I mean, you're doing it. It's literally what you're known for. And so I think that's really great. Well, Tony, I really appreciate your time. I'm going to wrap it up here. If people want to learn more about you, where can they go?

Tony: You know, I'm going to do what you taught us in your podcast, ask the podcast accelerator. And I'm going to tell you a very clear thing that you can do if you want to learn more about us. You can go to six pillars of intimacy. So six pillars of intimacy, dot com. And grab the book, it's on Amazon.

Tony: Get it in whatever format is best for you. You can find out more about us. You can join our email list. You can find out where to find the podcast, everything there is at six pillars of intimacy. Dot com.

Dustin: Amazing. Thank you, Tony. So if you guys want to get into Tony's world, you want to learn about the six pillars of intimacy and how you can have an extraordinary marriage. Just go to six pillars of intimacy. Dot com and grab the book. Thanks so much, Tony.

Tony: Thank you, man. Appreciate it!

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